Stress Awareness – Why Do I Get So Angry

You have probably heard about the anger iceberg. If not you are in for a treat.  This is a very helpful image to understand why we get angry.  If we understand anger to be the visible part of the iceberg, then the reasons we are angry are the parts underwater.   

If you google anger iceberg images you will find dozens of them, showing how helpful and important an idea this is to many.  

Anger is what experts refer to as a secondary emotion.  It does not generate on its own, there is always an emotional reason for it to exist.  So, if you are getting angry often, or getting extremely angry from time to time, you have some other emotional realities to address. 

Basically, you are getting angry because you are angry ABOUT something.  That something is always the emotional impact of something in your life.  These primary emotions can range from feelings of vulnerability and betrayal to feelings of confusion and judgment.  It may be tied to past trauma or mental health issues (anxiety, depression, dysphoria). I have a list of other emotions at the end of this article to help you begin to explore what might be under the water of your anger iceberg.  

I remember learning this when I was 25.  My father had died a few years before.  While playing with friends I got hurt because of what someone else did.  I picked up something in anger and threw it across the room.  This scared them and me.  I was like, how the heck did I get that angry, that fast?  The reality was that I had significant pain and anger about the death of my father that I had not dealt with, and had never really known that anger was an acceptable feeling.  So years of repression had been released at that moment.  Through coaching and the help of a mentor, I was able to deal with both of these things. 

Everyone has a different reason or reason for their anger.  The goal is not to avoid being angry though.  The goal is to seek ways to make sure our anger is serving our relationships by letting us know that there are important issues to resolve and work on. 

Anger can be a powerful tool for change as it energizes us and lets us know things are not working.  Letting anger lead our behaviors though, is not so helpful.  Learn more in my next article on Stress Awareness – Why Do I Do Stupid Things? 

Take a look at my video to learn more:

If you want help with dealing with your stress and anger, feel free to book a free 30 min session with me.